A list of things I wanted to be (around age 10):
1. A writer – I kept a “fanfiction” notebook which isn’t really a fanfiction because I’m basically the main character. Oh, and whenever we had plays in class, I would always volunteer to be the scriptwriter. I would even ask other groups to let me do the script for them!
2. A lawyer – Because doctor/lawyer/teacher were seemingly the only legitimate answers to “what do you want to become in the future?” back then. People expected you to pick out a “normal” profession.
3. A movie star – Oh yes. I liked writing stories, scripts and acting. I even kept a list of movies I should have starred in and roles I should have played. Such a revelation, isn’t it?
4. A singer – Not just a singer, but a pop singer. I may have watched too much MTV back then. I was nine or ten when I started writing songs and like any other beginning, it was awkward and slightly embarrassing. I even signed up for singing classes in fifth grade. I had a relatively impressive range; it decided to stop existing one day.
Are these connected to where I am now? Let’s see.
I still write, but of course I write different things now. I write songs. I write blog entries. I don’t write fictional stories, or at least not on paper or with a machine. I spin them inside my head, like a movie, because I end up ruining them when I try to take them out. I have a poor grasp of writing mechanics so it causes a lot of frustration. However, I sometimes write purely for amusement, without thinking of mechanics of whatnot.
Of course, the idea of being a lawyer was never a serious one. But I do have a “normal” profession – something expected, perhaps a typical choice for someone with a background like mine.
I no longer want to be a movie star. But I’m not gonna lie here, if there’s a chance and it’s actually good then why the hell not? Though I’d rather be the one making movies. I may have quit film school, but it doesn’t mean I’ve completely lost interest in movie making. I want to do other things first, but I’m probably going to try my hand at it somewhere along the way.
I admit that I had pop singer dreams up until I was fourteen or fifteen. I am still very amused by the thought of me actually wanting it. My friends wanted it, I wanted it, we daydreamed about it together. I love music and I’ll always be interested in basically everything related to it, even in the most seemingly remote way. I like composing and remixing. I don’t know the correct way to do it, but I do it anyway. It’s better than just letting it remain in my head. The next thing I’m working on? Stop worrying about perfection and actually putting it out there!
I have burned many bridges and dismissed some possible career paths. I’m open to a lot of new options (without forgetting my priorities, of course) but I guess that some childhood dreams will always remain in one way or another.
It’s nice to look back at these things. I’m glad that I still remember some of them. It can really help put some things into perspective. And provide amusement, too.